This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. The employee was consequently fired after the incident (now I know why they record these conversations!).
Helpline: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Client: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Helpline: "What sort of trouble?"
Client: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Helpline: "Went away?"
Client: "They disappeared."
Helpline: "Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Client: "Nothing."
Helpline: "Nothing?"
Client: "It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
Helpline: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Client: "How do I tell?"
Helpline: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Client: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Helpline: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Client: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Helpline: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Client: "What's a monitor?"
Helpline: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV." "Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Client: "I don't know."
Helpline: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Client: "Yes, I think so."
Helpline: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Client: "Yes, it is."
Helpline: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Client: "No."
Helpline: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Client: "Okay, here it is."
Helpline: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Client: "I can't reach."
Helpline: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Client: "No."
Helpline: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Client: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Helpline: "Dark?"
Client: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Helpline: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Client: "I can't."
Helpline: "No? Why not?"
Client: "Because there's a power failure."
Helpline: "A power... a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Client: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Helpline: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Client: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Helpline: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Client: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Helpline: "Tell them you're too f**king stupid to own a computer!!!"
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