Universal truths



Universal truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
Universal truths

Universal truths

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Info: Written by Peter Kay
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Guest: Lalala (717 days ago)

I cannot stop thinking about my wire coat hangers.
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Guest: o (682 days ago)

this is what number 9 is supposed to be. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
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Guest: NylL (14 days ago)

Actually, 7,8,9 - Seven Ate Nine.
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Guest: chris b (721 days ago)

every 2nd one is comin from peter kays live act
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Guest: ovlffe (245 days ago)

LizzieLou: Im pretty ******* certain that's NOT A RHYME.
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Guest: me! (212 days ago)

there is a rhyme...see below
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Guest: stupu (721 days ago)

strangely enough, i did 20) for the 1st time today... and yeah, 7) and 13) make me feel very manly :D
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Guest: TheArtfulCodger (734 days ago)

No matter how much you jiggle and dance--the last few drops go down your pants!
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Guest (667 days ago)

this needs to have "it's impossible to look tough while drinking out of a straw" added to it
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Guest: Morna x (708 days ago)

lmfao, i ws actually guna hav cup-a-soup erliur 2day n ws contemplating puttin it in a bowl.. n then i didnt lmao, quite amuuused x
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Guest: Danno (717 days ago)

Jezz, this is more like universal truths for some random guy in the UK.. I mean, some of these are so random and ridiculous. Finding a bouncy ball in an overgrown garden!?? Ummm... NO lol
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Guest: ElsieJayne (26 days ago)

This is true actually. Anytime you clear out an overgrown garden, there is a bouncy ball that some poor youth has lost.
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Guest: anon. (712 days ago)

this list is great, however, as an ultimate frisbee player, i have to disagree w/ #22.
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Guest: Richard (715 days ago)

14 is icredibly true! I even found a bouncy ball in a garden in a town 3 hours from Beijing on my school trip there this year!
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Guest: AYBGerrardo (719 days ago)

Number 9 is the truest of them all!
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Guest (33 days ago)

rofl
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Guest: josy12345 (239 days ago)

Don't forget...at some point anyone who's heard the song will try to call 867-5309
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Guest: Cha (14 days ago)

I have done that XD
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Guest: obijon (9 days ago)

this is a number in State College, PA, USA. I know because i used to live there and it was not in use due to too many drunk college student prank calls...
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Guest: wesley (478 days ago)

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. Or pushes one in a stroller! (Ive seen it many times)
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Guest: Howie (561 days ago)

It's a hidden Beatles reference
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Guest: d (720 days ago)

31). ???
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Guest: dood (14 days ago)

i saw someone look cool picking up a Frisbee once. It was rolling like it does when someone makes a bad throw and the guy ran to ware it was going to be and while he was still running, snagged it and threw it between his legs in one fluid motion. it was awesome.
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Guest: linda (17 days ago)

Number 11 is so true lol
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Guest: fudd (726 days ago)

#22 is just plain wrong. There is nothing uncool about Frisbee. (Except for the abomination known as Ultimate.)
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Guest: Tommy (758 days ago)

How does 12 contradict itself? And as for the bigoted gender assumptions...You need to loosen your bra!
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Guest (6 days ago)

A wet cat smells like a wet cat! = described!
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Guest (5 days ago)

26) unless its at least as big as his torso
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Guest: Barney (13 days ago)

This is supposed to be... clever? Pretty damn lame.
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Guest: Eddy Rhythm (14 days ago)

[Men] If you're in a pub toilet and there is a pint glass on the seat, you will piss in it.
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Guest: anon (4 days ago)

Latest comment: "I knew somebody who had their arm broken by a swan "
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Guest: hunter (cont) (24 days ago)

just the other day i was wondering how i will ever make it through this life and whether or not i should just end it all now because there is no higher purpose to anything i ever do but i do not feel that way anymore, my life is changed, today i am born forth as a new man, a man looking to dive into a brand new world full of exploration and excitement due to the knowledge you have imparted onto me. thank you so much for letting me transcend to a higher level of being
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Guest: hunter (24 days ago)

i can completely relate to #9. it's just perfect, it answers all the questions i have ever had about life. it makes me feel happy, it makes me feel sad, it makes me feel loved. it is the epitome of universal truth and i shall now and forever forth hold it dear to me and all those in my life.
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Guest: FreeFull (248 days ago)

9) There is no truth number 9. Ever.
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Guest: DDO (139 days ago)

lol
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Guest: McKay (481 days ago)

this was amazing. every single one was dead on. i remember every day that a dog came to the school.
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Guest: Matt Farley (519 days ago)

Hahahahaha... I could've written this myself! Brilliant. Only this evening I was burning stuff in the garden poking it with a stick and wandering if I'd get stern letter from the council!
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Guest: Anklbitre (716 days ago)

I'm just going to go and throw away those pieces of brightly coloured wood...
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