Universal truths




Universal truths

1)
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.



Universal truths

Universal truths

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Info: Written by Peter Kay
View by top voted  |  date

Guest: anon (yesterday)

Latest comment: "I knew somebody who had their arm broken by a swan "

Guest (2 days ago)

26) unless its at least as big as his torso

Guest (5 days ago)

A guy like to man-hug with a girl

Guest: liza (7 days ago)

this shits stupid and most of its not true

Guest: Barney (10 days ago)

This is supposed to be... clever? Pretty damn lame.

Guest: Eddy Rhythm (11 days ago)

[Men] If you're in a pub toilet and there is a pint glass on the seat, you will piss in it.

Guest: dood (12 days ago)

i saw someone look cool picking up a Frisbee once. It was rolling like it does when someone makes a bad throw and the guy ran to ware it was going to be and while he was still running, snagged it and threw it between his legs in one fluid motion. it was awesome.

Guest: linda (14 days ago)

Number 11 is so true lol

Guest: hunter (cont) (21 days ago)

just the other day i was wondering how i will ever make it through this life and whether or not i should just end it all now because there is no higher purpose to anything i ever do but i do not feel that way anymore, my life is changed, today i am born forth as a new man, a man looking to dive into a brand new world full of exploration and excitement due to the knowledge you have imparted onto me. thank you so much for letting me transcend to a higher level of being

Guest: hunter (21 days ago)

i can completely relate to #9. it's just perfect, it answers all the questions i have ever had about life. it makes me feel happy, it makes me feel sad, it makes me feel loved. it is the epitome of universal truth and i shall now and forever forth hold it dear to me and all those in my life.

Guest: Tom (22 days ago)

this list ******* sucks

Guest: J (129 days ago)

Universal Truths Of America it is. You know, there is a world outside also. 55378008 doesn't mean a shit to any one that is not american.

Guest: daniel (168 days ago)

i always race with the toilet flush when i wee ! love daniel jones from woodchester

Guest: fatibi (183 days ago)

number 23 is realy true, lol.they are are funny.

Guest: quaidheizer (210 days ago)

I was so hungry the other day and I felt like a cuppa soup. But I only had bowls left so I didn't make any. So true!

Guest: Dave (218 days ago)

Thanks for this. Lovely job.

Guest: georgia (225 days ago)

heres one: whenever you are stopped in traffic, and you pull up a little, the car behind you will always pull up a little too, no matter what.
   

Guest (218 days ago)

I pull up all the time. I would say 1/4th of the time the person behind me absolutely does not pull up.

Guest: Schwat (228 days ago)

Free food always tastes better

Guest: josy12345 (236 days ago)

Don't forget...at some point anyone who's heard the song will try to call 867-5309
   

Guest: Cha (11 days ago)

I have done that XD
      

Guest: obijon (6 days ago)

this is a number in State College, PA, USA. I know because i used to live there and it was not in use due to too many drunk college student prank calls...

Guest: ovlffe (242 days ago)

LizzieLou: Im pretty ******* certain that's NOT A RHYME.
   

Guest: me! (209 days ago)

there is a rhyme...see below

Guest: Jon (243 days ago)

#37: No man opens up a bag of sunflower seeds with a pair of scissors.
   

Guest: dan (210 days ago)

no man opens a pack of sunflowers seeds...
   

Guest: N (165 days ago)

I do. When there's a pair around me

Guest: FreeFull (246 days ago)

9) There is no truth number 9. Ever.
   

Guest: DDO (136 days ago)

lol

Guest: LizzieLou (321 days ago)

this list rocks.. am intrigued by number 20.. and number 5.. did anyone else have the rhyme for boobless?? - there was a girl of 13 who had a bust of 84, she wanted one of 45 so went to the doctors to get some round pills, he told her to take them 2 times a day but she took them 4 and ended up.. boobless!! -with this rhyme u type into the calculator.. 13844502 x 4 = 55378008 (0 is for the round pills :P)
   

Guest: me! (209 days ago)

i thought it's... there once was a girl with 69 boobs and that was 222 much, she went to 51st street and met doctor X and he 8 all of them up and this was what was left of her... 6922251 x 8

Guest: kingbiscuit (337 days ago)

I really love this list. Probably my favourite of all internet lists. Totally agree with The_Allstar as well

Guest: conan (345 days ago)

xD hahahahaha i love this shit

Guest: shahben (365 days ago)

GAY AS HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Muthe ****** gay!

Guest: megan100779 (372 days ago)

when you type in .1134 it spells hello

Guest: megan100779 (372 days ago)

actuly I think it spells BOOBLESS better with a 3 insted of a 2

Guest: no duh... (403 days ago)

um DUH steppin on ANYTHIN barefooted is more sore than w/ a sock on...

Guest: The_Allstar (406 days ago)

36)You always feel slightly saddened when something you search for in Wikipedia, isn't there.