Septic tank truck sign reads: We're #1 in the #2 business.
Sign over a gynecologist's office: Dr. Jones, at your cervix.
At a proctologist's door To expedite your visit please back in.
On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.
On the trucks of a local plumbing company: Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
Pizza shop slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: Hello. Can we pick your nose?
At a laundry shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?
At a towing company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.
In a podiatrist's office: Time wounds all heels.
In a nonsmoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.
On a fence: Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.
At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
In a veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up.
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We'll wait.
At a propane filling station, Tank heaven for little grills.
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago radiator shop: Best place in town to take a leak.