Your daily moment of Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it

3. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. No one is listening until you fart.

6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

8. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

9. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

10. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

11. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

12. Experience is something you donít get until just after you need it.

13. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse.

14. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!

The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.