No. 8 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

No. 7 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

No. 6 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

No. 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

No. 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

No. 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred quid and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty pence?

No. 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE No. 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006 - We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in the UK but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.