Basil Fawlty - Fawlty Towers. To Sybil: "Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?"
Mrs Merton - The Mrs Merton Show. To Debbie McGee: "So what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"
Edmund Blackadder - Blackadder II. To Lord Percy: "The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?"
Roseanne Conner - Roseanne. To husband Dan: "Your idea of romance is popping the can away from my face."
Father Jack Hackett - Father Ted. "Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!"
Carla - Cheers. Cliff: "I'm ashamed God made me a man." Carla: "I don't think God's doing a lot of bragging about it either."
Patsy Stone - Absolutely Fabulous. "One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard."
Jim Royle - The Royle Family. Nana: "Is this hat too far forward?" Jim: "No. We can still see your face."
Malcolm Tucker - The Thick Of It. To a junior minister: "All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra! It was like watching John Leslie at work!"
Statler and Waldorf - The Muppet Show. Statler: "Wake up, you old fool, you slept through the show." Waldorf: "Who's a fool? You watched it."
Inspector Monkfish - The Fast Show. To a bereaved woman: "I realise this must be a very difficult time for you, so put your knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea."
No Offence - The Fast Show. "I notice you're not wearing a wedding ring which, given your age, means you're divorced or a lesbian."
Rupert Rigsby - Rising Damp. To lodger Alan, who complains his room is too cold to study in: "The only thing you study is your navel. You even shave lying down."
Nan - The Catherine Tate Show. Describing an encounter with an overweight hospital volunteer: "She said to me last time, 'You look bored, Mrs Taylor. I've got three words for you: Barbara Taylor Bradford.' So I said, 'Yeah? I've got three words for you too: calorie controlled diet."'
The Professor - The Mary Whitehouse Experience. "I have here a copy of your book, Origins of the Crimean War. It smells of poo." "That's because it's been inside your mum's bra."
Alf Garnett - Till Death Us Do Part. "You Scouse git!"
Alexis Carrington - Dynasty. "I'm glad to see your father had your teeth fixed - if not your mouth."
JR Ewing - Dallas. "Ray never was comfortable eating with the family - we do use knives and forks."
Top put downs
Collection of sharp and witty gems, the result of a BBC poll published on the BBC website
Guest(72 days ago)
These are great, but why does Bore Me always rip off other people's content without crediting it. I seem to remember this was the result of a BBC poll, published on the BBC website. Why not just say so?
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Guest: Madthinker (72 days ago)
My favourites. Canda to US: "Take a hike you Shatner stealing Mexico touchers!" Nancy Astor (to Winston Churchill): "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee!" Churchill: "And if I were your husband I would drink it." To Steve Martin: "How come you're not funny any more?"
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