Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:

Dear Mr Addison,
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin” or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking façade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medicallogistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please forward it by Friday.

Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations
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The taxman replies

The taxman replies

Inland Revenue proves the customer is not always right

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ajhawkinsjr ajhawkinsjr (3109 days ago)
Inland Revenue doesn't need to retain customers, they enforce tax code for a government. I'm sure customer complaints get you on the short list for bi-annual audits.
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Inland Revenue doesn't need to retain customers, they enforce tax code for a government. I'm sure customer complaints get you on the short list for bi-annual audits.
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Guest: Jocko (3568 days ago)
I don't think that anyone from the Inland Revenue has the intellegence to write a letter like that.
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I don't think that anyone from the Inland Revenue has the intellegence to write a letter like that.
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Guest: Guest (3181 days ago)
i don't care if this is true or urban legend. It is one of the funniest letters I have ever read. It desrves its place on the web...
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i don't care if this is true or urban legend. It is one of the funniest letters I have ever read. It desrves its place on the web...
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Guest: Guest (2402 days ago)
Latest comment: True story is here LINK
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Latest comment: True story is here LINK
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Guest: Stev-o (3515 days ago)
If they are anything like the US IRS then they have all the time in the world to do this!!
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If they are anything like the US IRS then they have all the time in the world to do this!!
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Guest: Pete Star (3510 days ago)
Read the heading... It was made up by someone working for The Guardian newspaper on a slow news day
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Read the heading... It was made up by someone working for The Guardian newspaper on a slow news day
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Guest: Guest (2) (2442 days ago)
I agree with the others who don't care if it is real or not. Best laugh I have had in a while.
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I agree with the others who don't care if it is real or not. Best laugh I have had in a while.
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Guest: Guest (3382 days ago)
anyone not bothered to fill in their tax return is hardly likely to spend even the 30p and 20 minutes or so to send a letter back to them with all the well thought out and frankly original quotes the reply credits to the original
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anyone not bothered to fill in their tax return is hardly likely to spend even the 30p and 20 minutes or so to send a letter back to them with all the well thought out and frankly original quotes the reply credits to the original
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Guest: CEasar Barbarossa (3421 days ago)
a bit lackluster for a silly (civil)servant. They usually don't hesitate to waste taxpayers' money to retrieve even one penny/cent owed. the best way is to have them line up with the rest of the creditors when there are only stones to be collected after one's death.
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a bit lackluster for a silly (civil)servant. They usually don't hesitate to waste taxpayers' money to retrieve even one penny/cent owed. the best way is to have them line up with the rest of the creditors when there are only stones to be collected after one's death.
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maverickrazor maverickrazor (3606 days ago)
True or urban legend. Does anyone truly believe that anyone employed by H.M.Inland Revenue has the time or the inclination to write such a letter to some asswipe who can't be bothered to fill in a tax return form. urban legend says me
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True or urban legend. Does anyone truly believe that anyone employed by H.M.Inland Revenue has the time or the inclination to write such a letter to some asswipe who can't be bothered to fill in a tax return form. urban legend says me
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jayc jayc (3109 days ago)
Customer service is one of the most powerful means of retaining happy recurring customers. Offering incentive programs, customer loyalty programs, and sales incentives is another powerful way to build a powerful customer relationship while branding your company as a success.
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Customer service is one of the most powerful means of retaining happy recurring customers. Offering incentive programs, customer loyalty programs, and sales incentives is another powerful way to build a powerful customer relationship while branding your company as a success.
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Guest: H J Lee (3306 days ago)
We got his money though..... Who is next?
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We got his money though..... Who is next?
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