This was a true letter of resignation sent.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f-- k with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,
Ted Brewer
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Resignation letter

Resignation letter

By Ted Brewer

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Guest: Matt (2553 days ago)
If this is indeed an authentic letter, than you sir, are a dumbass by signing your own name to this. One quick Google search of "Ted Brewer" will bring this up. Being a technically sound guy, I'm sure you know potential employers will search the internet when you apply. Future management might frown on your blatant blackmail. Next time you try to be smart, don't be so dumb.
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If this is indeed an authentic letter, than you sir, are a dumbass by signing your own name to this. One quick Google search of "Ted Brewer" will bring this up. Being a technically sound guy, I'm sure you know potential employers will search the internet when you apply. Future management might frown on your blatant blackmail. Next time you try to be smart, don't be so dumb.
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Guest: an0nym00se (2552 days ago)
Googling Ted Brewer brings me to a yacht company.
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Googling Ted Brewer brings me to a yacht company.
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Guest: Spoiler (2552 days ago)
NOT real... Google "Ted Brewer" and snopes.
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NOT real... Google "Ted Brewer" and snopes.
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Guest: Joshua Ryan (2547 days ago)
don't care, think it's still hilarioius
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don't care, think it's still hilarioius
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Guest: (3566 days ago)
ain't that some shit!!!
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ain't that some shit!!!
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Guest: duh (2550 days ago)
Fake. This has been floating around in various forms for years.
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Fake. This has been floating around in various forms for years.
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Guest: David (2433 days ago)
Latest comment: Obviously this is fake. No one would be stupid enough to write in their letter of resignation that they planned on extorting their boss. He would be arrested before his two weeks were up.
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Latest comment: Obviously this is fake. No one would be stupid enough to write in their letter of resignation that they planned on extorting their boss. He would be arrested before his two weeks were up.
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Guest: STAR (3541 days ago)
THIS IS THE PERFECT LETTER...
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THIS IS THE PERFECT LETTER...
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Guest: Bubba (2437 days ago)
Photoshopped...
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Photoshopped...
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Guest: guest (3465 days ago)
just one word to use 'brill'
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just one word to use 'brill'
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Guest: Elliot (2552 days ago)
I doubt he put it up himself.
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I doubt he put it up himself.
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Guest: super guest (2551 days ago)
dude googling ted brewer isn't going to do sh-t. it isn't rocket science that he could've changed the name hence all of you are having trouble finding this guy...ahah you guys a retarrrrded (yup 5 r's..I went there)
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dude googling ted brewer isn't going to do sh-t. it isn't rocket science that he could've changed the name hence all of you are having trouble finding this guy...ahah you guys a retarrrrded (yup 5 r's..I went there)
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Guest: bio (2551 days ago)
Hey dumbass, do you have any idea what Snopes is? This 'letter' has been floating around the internet in several different forms for almost a decade. If you're too ******** retarded to check Snopes, or just use common sense, don't click a reply button.
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Hey dumbass, do you have any idea what Snopes is? This 'letter' has been floating around the internet in several different forms for almost a decade. If you're too ******** retarded to check Snopes, or just use common sense, don't click a reply button.
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Guest: (3265 days ago)
lol pwned on a whole new lvl
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lol pwned on a whole new lvl
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Guest: Ortho Dargon (3526 days ago)
that NA kicks ass, this might be old, but its still funny as hell
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that NA kicks ass, this might be old, but its still funny as hell
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lezz lezz (3507 days ago)
definately the perfect "shove your job up your ass letter".....
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definately the perfect "shove your job up your ass letter".....
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Guest: ZBVBV (3581 days ago)
ketchup bottle? Jesus Christ, that guy's got problems. And he's gonna have his ass kicked if the administration hears about Lolita...:)) > :)
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ketchup bottle? Jesus Christ, that guy's got problems. And he's gonna have his ass kicked if the administration hears about Lolita...:)) > :)
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Guest: Thirawr (2552 days ago)
Can you say American Beauty?
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Can you say American Beauty?
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Guest: imputtmef (2545 days ago)
When it comes time to set up your real estate property for your initial open house event, try to view it through the eyes of a likely lapel pins buyer. Be certain that the entire house is orderly and that it feels appealing. Turn on the majority of the lamps and lights in the house to be certain that each room feels inviting and pleasant.
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When it comes time to set up your real estate property for your initial open house event, try to view it through the eyes of a likely lapel pins buyer. Be certain that the entire house is orderly and that it feels appealing. Turn on the majority of the lamps and lights in the house to be certain that each room feels inviting and pleasant.
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Guest: dumbass (3570 days ago)
oh this guys smart (ted that is)
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oh this guys smart (ted that is)
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Guest: (3566 days ago)
no way is this real. definitely made up
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no way is this real. definitely made up
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Guest: Alierneveni (2584 days ago)
I'm trying to find a new company to provide a promotional item for my new business. I was considering coasters as well as lapel pins as a means to promote my new business. I was seeking advice from someone that has worked with a business that manufactures these types of products and might have some information regarding the best approach.
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I'm trying to find a new company to provide a promotional item for my new business. I was considering coasters as well as lapel pins as a means to promote my new business. I was seeking advice from someone that has worked with a business that manufactures these types of products and might have some information regarding the best approach.
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