Universal truths

1)
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
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Universal truths

Universal truths

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Guest: AYBGerrardo (3661 days ago)
Number 9 is the truest of them all!
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Number 9 is the truest of them all!
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Guest: TheB (2396 days ago)
i see what you did there
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i see what you did there
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Guest: Jo (2470 days ago)
This makes me sad...
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This makes me sad...
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Guest: Lolicopter (2377 days ago)
> < 0
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> < 0
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Guest: (2975 days ago)
rofl
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rofl
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Guest: Dorothy (2375 days ago)
holy sh*t there is no # 9 i didnt realise until i read your comment lolz
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holy sh*t there is no # 9 i didnt realise until i read your comment lolz
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Guest: Bumby (2383 days ago)
So THAT's why 6 was afraid of 7...
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So THAT's why 6 was afraid of 7...
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Guest: bsdemigod (3673 days ago)
OK so I know this makes me a bit of a nerd but an addendum to #30 is a d4 dice on a similar colored carpet. Look it up if you don't understand to see what I mean.
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OK so I know this makes me a bit of a nerd but an addendum to #30 is a d4 dice on a similar colored carpet. Look it up if you don't understand to see what I mean.
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Guest: Another bit of a nerd.. (2403 days ago)
I've always called d4's caltrops for a reason...
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I've always called d4's caltrops for a reason...
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Guest: Si (2661 days ago)
Or a lego brick...
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Or a lego brick...
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Guest: Daedalus (2589 days ago)
Definitely a lego brick. Those things hurt as hell to step on.
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Definitely a lego brick. Those things hurt as hell to step on.
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Guest: Rae (1863 days ago)
Latest comment: Barbie's high heels. The bane of my father's life.
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Latest comment: Barbie's high heels. The bane of my father's life.
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Guest: josy12345 (3181 days ago)
Don't forget...at some point anyone who's heard the song will try to call 867-5309
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Don't forget...at some point anyone who's heard the song will try to call 867-5309
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Guest: Jenny...no, not THAT Jenny. (2358 days ago)
Ugh. My name is Jenny. I hate that song! Damn Tommy Tutone!!!
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Ugh. My name is Jenny. I hate that song! Damn Tommy Tutone!!!
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Guest: Cha (2956 days ago)
I have done that XD
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I have done that XD
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Guest: obijon (2951 days ago)
this is a number in State College, PA, USA. I know because i used to live there and it was not in use due to too many drunk college student prank calls...
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this is a number in State College, PA, USA. I know because i used to live there and it was not in use due to too many drunk college student prank calls...
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Guest: (2890 days ago)
That's amazing, I've done that so many times
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That's amazing, I've done that so many times
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Guest: guest (2390 days ago)
the band that did that song got in trouble for it because at the time it was actually some girls #
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the band that did that song got in trouble for it because at the time it was actually some girls #
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Guest: MiraBear (2368 days ago)
Because she stupidly wrote it on a bathroom stall. That's what the song was about.
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Because she stupidly wrote it on a bathroom stall. That's what the song was about.
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Guest: reclaimer (3649 days ago)
#2 is the only way I get laid #20 is the only way I pee #27 is my only fear
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#2 is the only way I get laid #20 is the only way I pee #27 is my only fear
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Guest: squeezy (3679 days ago)
I've been to Reading sober - it's no better.
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I've been to Reading sober - it's no better.
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Guest: Grace (2659 days ago)
Most of these will most likely be my statuses in the next couple of days.
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Most of these will most likely be my statuses in the next couple of days.
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Guest: d (3662 days ago)
31). ???
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31). ???
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Guest: guess who (2911 days ago)
obviously not a driver...
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obviously not a driver...
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Guest: Lalala (3660 days ago)
I cannot stop thinking about my wire coat hangers.
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I cannot stop thinking about my wire coat hangers.
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Guest: g (2405 days ago)
Thomas Jefferson
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Thomas Jefferson
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Guest: pixie1980 (3675 days ago)
Cute!
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Cute!
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Guest: T (3667 days ago)
#2 is not true.
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#2 is not true.
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Guest: Hoff (2417 days ago)
You are that girl, huh?
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You are that girl, huh?
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Guest: Tigerlilly (2386 days ago)
I've been that girl and it sucks, but it is true lol.
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I've been that girl and it sucks, but it is true lol.
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Guest: (3609 days ago)
this needs to have "it's impossible to look tough while drinking out of a straw" added to it
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this needs to have "it's impossible to look tough while drinking out of a straw" added to it
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Guest: (2696 days ago)
unless you're samuel L. jackson in pulp fiction
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unless you're samuel L. jackson in pulp fiction
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Guest: xenochrist (2437 days ago)
Absolutely right.
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Absolutely right.
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Guest: (2371 days ago)
All the motherfucking way.
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All the motherfucking way.
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Guest: Mikey (2433 days ago)
The banana one is 100% true. Same with the flush and racing to finish peeing haha I've done that a couple times
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The banana one is 100% true. Same with the flush and racing to finish peeing haha I've done that a couple times
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Guest: Morna x (3650 days ago)
lmfao, i ws actually guna hav cup-a-soup erliur 2day n ws contemplating puttin it in a bowl.. n then i didnt lmao, quite amuuused x
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lmfao, i ws actually guna hav cup-a-soup erliur 2day n ws contemplating puttin it in a bowl.. n then i didnt lmao, quite amuuused x
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Guest: jakeel3 (2658 days ago)
someone is from the UK
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someone is from the UK
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Guest: IndiAna Chonze (3661 days ago)
I almost peed myself after reading number 2. And 11.
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I almost peed myself after reading number 2. And 11.
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Guest: megan100779 (3316 days ago)
when you type in .1134 it spells hello
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when you type in .1134 it spells hello
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Guest: MiraBear (2368 days ago)
7 is usually used for L's cause 1 can be used for I's. But anyway, take away the . from .7734 and you get 7734 which is upside down HELL lawl
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7 is usually used for L's cause 1 can be used for I's. But anyway, take away the . from .7734 and you get 7734 which is upside down HELL lawl
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Guest: buggs bunny (2403 days ago)
um... no it doesnt. it spells .1134
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um... no it doesnt. it spells .1134
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Guest: Nyan (2370 days ago)
did you try turning it upside-down?
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did you try turning it upside-down?
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Guest: Remmy (2352 days ago)
I always used to do 5318008. I have a t-shirt with a calculator on with it written on the screen :)
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I always used to do 5318008. I have a t-shirt with a calculator on with it written on the screen :)
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Guest: Richard (3657 days ago)
14 is icredibly true! I even found a bouncy ball in a garden in a town 3 hours from Beijing on my school trip there this year!
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14 is icredibly true! I even found a bouncy ball in a garden in a town 3 hours from Beijing on my school trip there this year!
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Guest: Anastasiya (2692 days ago)
i JUST ran out of salt at home lmao take that 24
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i JUST ran out of salt at home lmao take that 24
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Guest: McKay (3423 days ago)
this was amazing. every single one was dead on. i remember every day that a dog came to the school.
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this was amazing. every single one was dead on. i remember every day that a dog came to the school.
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Guest: E (2890 days ago)
I also remember that day! That one made me smile so much :)
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I also remember that day! That one made me smile so much :)
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Guest: fudd (3668 days ago)
#22 is just plain wrong. There is nothing uncool about Frisbee. (Except for the abomination known as Ultimate.)
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#22 is just plain wrong. There is nothing uncool about Frisbee. (Except for the abomination known as Ultimate.)
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Guest: someonee (2936 days ago)
its just the fact that they couldnt catch it.. theres just a bit of shame having to pick it up.
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its just the fact that they couldnt catch it.. theres just a bit of shame having to pick it up.
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Guest: Goddamnuser (3603 days ago)
this is really funny, but someone really should attribute it to dave barry, who as far as i know wrote it first (or at least most of them)
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this is really funny, but someone really should attribute it to dave barry, who as far as i know wrote it first (or at least most of them)
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Guest: Jon (3188 days ago)
#37: No man opens up a bag of sunflower seeds with a pair of scissors.
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#37: No man opens up a bag of sunflower seeds with a pair of scissors.
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Guest: dan (3155 days ago)
no man opens a pack of sunflowers seeds...
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no man opens a pack of sunflowers seeds...
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Guest: N (3110 days ago)
I do. When there's a pair around me
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I do. When there's a pair around me
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Guest: wesley (3420 days ago)
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. Or pushes one in a stroller! (Ive seen it many times)
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26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. Or pushes one in a stroller! (Ive seen it many times)
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Guest: TheArtfulCodger (3676 days ago)
No matter how much you jiggle and dance--the last few drops go down your pants!
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No matter how much you jiggle and dance--the last few drops go down your pants!
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Guest: Guest (2698 days ago)
this aint all true
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this aint all true
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Guest: (2947 days ago)
26) unless its at least as big as his torso
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26) unless its at least as big as his torso
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Guest: Steve (3668 days ago)
Very British.
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Very British.
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Guest: kris (3717 days ago)
haha i agree strongly with almost all of them, except ive honestly never noticed lots of people on crutches before on the same day, maybe now i will.
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haha i agree strongly with almost all of them, except ive honestly never noticed lots of people on crutches before on the same day, maybe now i will.
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Guest: Jules (3503 days ago)
Ditto on growing up in the 80's and typing in 55378008! And why is it that triangular sandwiches tastes better?
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Ditto on growing up in the 80's and typing in 55378008! And why is it that triangular sandwiches tastes better?
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Guest: (2951 days ago)
lol no-one knows why they taste better...
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lol no-one knows why they taste better...
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Guest: draven (2952 days ago)
what is this in ref to i have missed something from my childhood
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what is this in ref to i have missed something from my childhood
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Guest: ishade (2828 days ago)
you turn the calculator upside down and it spells boobless though i grew up in the 90s
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you turn the calculator upside down and it spells boobless though i grew up in the 90s
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Guest: buggs bunny (2403 days ago)
that would be a yes. pay attention next time. lol
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that would be a yes. pay attention next time. lol
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Guest: Anna Nimous (3657 days ago)
My favorite is definitely #11. I would like to add an addendum to #16. I do not remember a dog running in, but I'm sure everyone always remembers the kid that breaks something (arm, head, etc.)
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My favorite is definitely #11. I would like to add an addendum to #16. I do not remember a dog running in, but I'm sure everyone always remembers the kid that breaks something (arm, head, etc.)
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