One of Kay's male mates' girlfriend blew some guy in the toilets of a bar while he waited for her - her apology email is first followed by his response.

Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being p*ssed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something.

The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.

I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. Can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me.

Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that. I am so sorry.
Elizabeth



Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about". You did a stupid thing huh? No... doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't love him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday.

Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill come-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child p*rn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room.

The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened. By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad

KPMG
Executive Corporate Finance - Valuations>
FOLLOW BOREME
TAGS
<< Back to listing
City email

City email

Come-guzzling Prada girl rejected

Share this post

You can comment as a guest, but registering gives you added benefits

Add your comment
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: Pete Star (3240 days ago)
Latest comment: This would pass as genuine, but for the comments by "her" about sunglasses and by "him" about her fatass thighs. Neither of those comments fits in wth the flow of the rest.
ReplyVote up (179)down (77)
Original comment
Latest comment: This would pass as genuine, but for the comments by "her" about sunglasses and by "him" about her fatass thighs. Neither of those comments fits in wth the flow of the rest.
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: Brian (3601 days ago)
That reply was sweet justice. My girl is a drunk and deserves to read this to get a clue!
ReplyVote up (127)down (84)
Original comment
That reply was sweet justice. My girl is a drunk and deserves to read this to get a clue!
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: jenny (3407 days ago)
A lot of females are really really really dumb and prada lizzy is one of them. Stupid girl.
ReplyVote up (124)down (76)
Original comment
A lot of females are really really really dumb and prada lizzy is one of them. Stupid girl.
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: Pete Star (3318 days ago)
I used to work with Lizzie, she was a right slapper.
ReplyVote up (116)down (87)
Original comment
I used to work with Lizzie, she was a right slapper.
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: Jonneybgood (3457 days ago)
Say,,,you wouldn't happen to have her phone number would you?
ReplyVote up (103)down (83)
Original comment
Say,,,you wouldn't happen to have her phone number would you?
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: Tako (3374 days ago)
We need Elizabeth's photo
ReplyVote up (114)down (92)
Original comment
We need Elizabeth's photo
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: (3339 days ago)
Gotta Love Nicolsa comment, clearly she also likes a bit of man goo on a regular basis as well. Good girl.
ReplyVote up (102)down (92)
Original comment
Gotta Love Nicolsa comment, clearly she also likes a bit of man goo on a regular basis as well. Good girl.
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
lezz lezz (3533 days ago)
lol what a perfect response to a dreary apology letter from her....brutual honesty is my forte...lol
ReplyVote up (105)down (106)
Original comment
lol what a perfect response to a dreary apology letter from her....brutual honesty is my forte...lol
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: (3261 days ago)
HAHAHAHHAHHA ah the english language is a powerful tool of evil jsut your average slag it must be said... 30 mins is nothing you try an affair lasting years THEN shes evil... this ones just stupid
ReplyVote up (104)down (102)
Original comment
HAHAHAHHAHHA ah the english language is a powerful tool of evil jsut your average slag it must be said... 30 mins is nothing you try an affair lasting years THEN shes evil... this ones just stupid
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
Guest: nicola (3509 days ago)
he was just jealous! he wanted her first. he's "the friend" and he hates it. now he'll never be on HER social calendar again. oh well, go for the nice girls, lads...
ReplyVote up (86)down (101)
Original comment
he was just jealous! he wanted her first. he's "the friend" and he hates it. now he'll never be on HER social calendar again. oh well, go for the nice girls, lads...
Add your reply
Submit as guest (your name)

Copy code captcha


Submit as member (username / password)

CANCEL
RELATED POSTS
All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me...
All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me...
Tom Hanks on the Harvey Weinstein scandal
Tom Hanks on the Harvey Weinstein scandal
Seth Meyers - Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump and systemic sexism
Seth Meyers - Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump and systemic sexism
Man on autopilot
Man on autopilot
Questions about sex that men and women google most
Questions about sex that men and women google most